


Only When We've Broken

by positivelypitch



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, M/M, Makeup, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, SnowBaz, carry on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23281987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/positivelypitch/pseuds/positivelypitch
Summary: Angsty fic where Simon gets drunk and cheats on Baz after a fight. The both become sad beans.It'll end well I promise! But lest be honest we all love a little angst.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 37
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Baz**

Snow should be home by now. I would call him, but he probably won't notice. Too drunk. I’d have gone to the club but drunk people are the worst. Living in London does not help with that peeve. 

I’m sitting at my computer, trying to work, trying not to worry. It's just gone midnight. All the lights are off and the screen is streaming light at my face, keeping me awake. Bunce isn’t drinking I think, he’ll be alright. I hear a key turn in the lock and breathe a sigh of relief. Fuck, he’s giggling at no one, he must be pissed.

I lean around the front pillar and realise he isn’t laughing at nothing; someone’s there. It isn’t Bunce. I try to process what I’m seeing, point by point:

-Simon Snow is with another guy, who is shorter than him, and has a mop of light hair.  
-He’s got this fellow by the belt loop, and the other’s hands are on Simon’s waist.  
-I can smell the alcohol from here  
-Blondie is leaning in and Simon is grinning back.  
-They’re about to kiss.

Fuck.

I try to collect myself and seem as calm and cool as possible. Leaning against the post, I flick the light switch. Simon glances up mid-snog and makes eye contact with me. His eyes widen in terror and realisation. He breaks the kiss. 

“Baz I-” Blondie whips his head around, still smirking.  
“Shall I show you out?” I sneer at him, surprising myself with how confident I sound.  
“Your alright mate, my bad. Simon-”  
“Get out!”  
“Sorry, right, yeah.” With one last look at Snow, he turns and leaves.

“So why don’t you tell me about your boyfriend Snow?” Simon snaps back into the moment.  
“Fuck, Baz, I’m so s-”  
“No go on!” I say with mock excitement. “How long have you two been a thing? He seems lovely! I’m real sorry the last guy wasn’t good enough for your fine taste.” It’s a low blow but right now I don’t care. My heart is breaking into miniature shards and he’s just standing there.  
“It was a one time thing! We’ve never done that before!” 

I don’t know what to say so I stay quiet, and look anywhere but at Simon snow. After a while he speaks, all choked up. Who gave him the right? Why does he get to feel upset?

“Fuck, Baz say something.”  
“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?” I roar back. He winces, then hiccups.  
“Neighbours, Baz.”  
“OH MY BAD!” I say just as loud.  
“BECAUSE I’M SURE YOU WERE SO MINDFUL OF THEN WHEN YOU CAME IN WITH KEN DOLL OVER THERE!”

“Fuck Baz,” He sobs, sinking onto the couch and running his hands over his face. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry..”

I can’t hear any more of this. I pick up my coat and take my keys. My laptop is still on the table but it would interrupt my sweeping exit were I to pick it up.  
“Where are you going?” He croaks.  
“Out.”  
“Will you be back?” 

Slam! 

I pull my coat around me and walk down the stairs. I let the tears fall, then. I don’t know where I’m going.


	2. Chapter 2

Simon

My head is spinning and I am going to throw up. I feel like shit. I’m still whispering even though he’s long out the door. I’m a shit person and a shittier boyfriend. 

I can’t believe I let the drink get away with me like that. I can’t believe I kissed a stranger. I can’t- 

Fuck.

Every breath tastes like cheap liquor and kisses. I don’t know what I was thinking. 

Fuuuuuck.

I rush to the bathroom and throw up everything I ate since lunch. I have absolutely no dignity; I just slump against the toilet and sob for Baz.  
“Simon?” I look up, bleary eyed.  
“Hey Pen” My voice cracks.  
“One to many?”  
“Something like that.” I try to stand but I’m shaking too heavily.  
“Woah now,” I’m grateful for her as she helps me up. She doesn’t know I don’t deserve her friendship; I’m in no place to tell her. 

Slowly we move- or Penny carries me- to my room, and I slump on the bed without taking my shoes off. I should be up all night thinking of ways to fix this, but I’m out like a light.

___________________________________________________________________________

My curtains are open and filling the room with light. The bright, yellow warm rays of good weather, that promise a good day. On a day like today, I’d stretch and sit up, then gaze at my beautiful boyfriend. I’d kiss just below his ear and he’d turn to face me. He’d whisper good morning and hold me close and we’d lie in and be happy…

But today the sun is blinding. Too bright. Too yellow. It sends rainbow coloured swirls dance across my eyes. I have to lie back down again; my head is throbbing so much. There are no messages from Baz when I check my phone. What was I expecting? Him to leave an eloquently worded text about how he’s forgiven me and we can sail off into the sunset? No, if I want to fix this (which I do, with all my heart) and he wants this (I’m not so sure) then it has to be me.

I haul myself into the kitchen, where Penny is sitting at the table, reading a book.  
“Morning, Si! How’re you feeling?”  
“Ugh.” I flop down opposite her.  
“Ha you should have seen Agatha! Would barely walk! I actually had to drag her home. You two are such lightweights!”  
“Pen-”  
“Speaking of which, where did you get off to after I took Agatha home? Did Baz come and pick you up?” She must see my full body flinch, because she comes around the table and crouches beside me. “Si, what’s wrong?”  
“I-” I choke on acid. Forcing it down I try again. “I was dancing with a guy. I don’t know I must’ve had too much. I didn’t feel that I had gone that far over the usual but I don’t know…

“I can’t remember who moved first but we ended up- We ended up kissing…”  
“Simon,”  
“And then! See that’s not even the worst part! And then, I don’t fucking know why but I took him back here.”  
“Did you sleep with him?!” Penny gasps.  
“No! No, but… But I think I might’ve if Baz wasn’t here.”  
“Baz was here?”  
“Yes, jeez Penny it’s not a soap opera!” She shifts up onto the chair next to me.

“It’s bloody well sounding like one! And what? Baz saw you and this guy…”  
“Kissing. Fooling around. I don’t fucking know.”  
“Crowley almighty.”  
“And then he upped and left.”

She contemplates this for a moment. She looks genuinely shocked and I’m not surprised. The whole ordeal sounds like something out of Eastenders. I can’t imagine she’ll be on my side in this. Merlin, I’m not even on my side in this! 

“Now Simon,” Penny starts, using her serious voice. Oh dear. “That was a really shitty thing you did last night,” Like I don’t already know that! “And I can’t imagine how Baz is feeling. But it sounds like you regret it, and you were under the influence of alcohol, yes?”  
“Yeah.”  
“So I’m going to help you try and correct this.” I breathe a sigh of relief.  
“Thank you Pen-”  
“But Simon?” I look up. “I love you, but if it comes between comforting Baz, and comforting you, Baz has done nothing wrong. You have.”

“I know Pen.” I say. “I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my loves! I wrote soooo much dialogue here! Is Simon more innocent than he seems? What do you think will happen further on in the story?
> 
> I knowwww I'm so mysterrrrious...
> 
> I will try to have a new update as soon as possible, so keep an eye out for it! Love you all! -Rosie x


	3. Chapter 3

Penny

I send Simon out to get breakfast and call Basil. He answers with a rough voice and curt answers. He sniffs like he’s trying not to.

I tell him to wait, if he loves Simon. He says ‘I do.’.

I don’t know how I’m meant to feel; Simon and Baz are in love. I’ve never doubted that. I still don’t, but I have no idea what led Simon to be so reckless. This is why I don’t drink. You get yourself into the stupidest situations that are near impossible to get out of. 

I’m not sure that Baz is angry, more hurt. Despite his cool demeanor he can actually get quite insecure, I think, about the people he loves. Poor Basil. 

If I had known that Simon dancing with that bloke would have led to this I would’ve spelled his legs together right there in the club. Stupid, sweet little boy. Gah! We’re out of milk. I call Simon but hear his phone ringing in the bedroom. Maybe I can catch him up at the shop? I grab a jacket and dash out.

When I get out of the building I see Simon standing with his back turned to me talking with?  
Morgana, it’s the normal from last night. He’s got this young Justin Bieber hair that swooshes when he shakes his head, and a cheeky smile that makes him look like he’s not taking anything seriously.

“No really, it’s fine! Sorry to mess that up for you mate. I think we both just had too many? Yeah?” Bieber replies.  
“Yeah, my bad.” Simon sounds so awkward it’s almost funny. He keeps scratching his neck or tugging at his hair. “Erm..”  
“Right sorry, you were on your way out, yeah?”  
“Yeah?” Simon replies, but it sounds more like a question.  
“Where’re you headed?” Bieber probes again, fully aware I’m watching the whole conversation.  
“ Er south Soho-”  
“Really? Me too! Come on, I’ll give you a lift!”

Nope, nu uh. No way you pubescent dweeb.  
“Simon! I say. “Got the shopping then? Come on let’s get breakfast on!”  
“Oh right, Penny. Listen,” He lowers his voice. “I was going to go and talk to Baz.”  
“Right, and get a lift from the guy you cheated on him with. Real smart Si.” I see him wince.  
“Listen, he seems legitimately nice. Plus, I’m sober, so is he! It just happens to be that he lives in our building! Please Pen, I need to see Baz!”.

“Okay,” I say after a while. “Just don’t be stupid, okay?”  
“Thanks Penny!” He turns and jogs to the car, where the other guy is holding the door open for him. Then he gets in, the other side. 

The normal flashes me a smile in the wing mirror. A smile full of pointed, yellow teeth, surrounded by green, scaly lips. He winks at me with eyes full of malice and mischief and stained blood-red. I’ve seen enough of his kind to recognise him in an instant; Goblin.

“SIMON!” I scream after the car. “SIMON!” but it’s useless.

Simon and the goblin have sped off into the morning and Simon doesn’t have magic.  
Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day?? And a plot twist??? Who even am I?  
> Sorry it was so short my loves, but I'll be sure to add more verrryyy soon!  
> Thank you so much for every one of your views, kudos and comments; the brighten up my day!- Rosie x


	4. Chapter 4

Simon

It’s not a long drive from mine to Baz’s but traffic in central soho is quite possibly the bane of my life though. Sam doesn’t seem to mind though, he keeps telling me about the places we pass (albeit at an antagonising rate) as if I don’t live in this god-forsaken city. 

I thought it would be awkward after last night, I didn’t even know his name ( I had to ask this morning) but he seems genuinely nice. Plus he was really apologetic after he found out I had a boyfriend. We’re nearing his flat now- Baz’s that is- and my heart is in my throat. I keep thinking and rethinking over what I’ll say to him, but none of it seems right. One thing that does come up in every monologue is ‘I love you.’.

Because I do. With all that I am. I love his stupid, sharp face, and his gorgeously silky hair, and his annoyingly tall stature. And when he smiles, properly, with proper joy, when I can make him do that I just… ...I don’t know what I would do if I lost him. I can’t- I couldn’t go on if- Well let's be honest, if my fuck up drives him away. Which it probably will.

“Hey,” I say snapping back to reality. “I think you’re one turning to soon?” Sam just laughs.  
“Am I?”  
“Yeah his road is just one street along.” Suddenly we swerve and the car screeches up onto the pavement, shuddering to a stop. “You alright mate?”  
“Get out.” He says. “You heard me, get out!” Reluctantly I ease the door open and slip out. I expect him to drive off but he follows me out and slams his door. 

He starts advancing towards me, backing me into an alleyway. Every cell in my body is telling me to run as fast as I can. “We didn’t finish what we started last night.” He says, his smile laced with something hideous. He places his hands either side of my head, up against the wall.  
“I told you, last night was a mistake. I have a boyfriend-”  
“And where is he now, Simon? Seems like he was the final string holding you together. But you’ve gone and cut that tie haven't you? Now you’ve lost him, you magic, your title…”  
“My what?” What the fuck, is this guy a mage?

Slowly, I see him change, morphing and convulsing but laughing all the while. His fair hair is replaced with a shining, green scalp. His eyes flash and twist and squint until he’s peering out at me through glassy red slits. Talons stretch from his fingers where he holds my shoulders. They bite into my skin.“Fucking goblins!” I shout. I should have seen this coming.

“Oh come on, don’t use such foul language. You know, we’re mages too.”  
“Is that how-” I struggle but he holds me fast. “Last night. Gah”  
“Oui, mon cherie! **C’est l’amour!** " His grin is manic and his grip is tight. I don’t have my magic anymore, it wouldn't have done me any good if I had. I’ll just have to fight my way out. 

I aim a punch at this dude’s stomach, but his skin is as tough as rocks, and my hand cramps. If I had a sword this fight would already be over. He is distracted though, which gives me a chance to escape his death grip.  
One thing I bloody hate about goblins, is that they are quick, clever and determined. Each one is desperate to be the best. And being the best, apparently, means hitting me over the shoulder with a beer bottle. It breaks and I feel the shards penetrate my skin. I don’t stop though. I tackle him so that we’re both rolling around on cold, damp concrete. He grabs me either side of my jacket and starts repeatedly hitting me. His weight on my legs is causing them to go numb, and each hit- to the chest and arms and head- slams me into the ground. It’s quite embarrassing if I’m honest. 

Though I hate to admit it, this might be a situation where I have to use brains rather than brawn. I’ll have to take this now, and think a way out later. I just wish this option didn’t hurt so much! 

I close my eyes, as bruises form around them. _Baz_ I think, _I'm sorry._

Then it stops. The beating ceases. I don’t open my eyes, because he probably just thought I fell unconscious.  
“Gaghlgl…” I hear a strange gurgling sound, followed by a _Thunk_ followed by heavy panting. I open my eyes and he’s at my side.  
“Simon,” Baz says. “Are you hurt?”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I can't write fight scenes. Sue me. But would you look at that? Our Bazzy's back! 
> 
> Is he still mad at Simon? Is Simon still mad at Simon?
> 
> We'll see....


	5. Chapter 5

**Baz**

I haul him up by his waist and hold him there, my other arm and eyes scanning his body for deeper wounds; a couple on his shoulder but not a worry. He stands there dazed as I pull him close. 

The goblin I strangled is slumped against the wall. Stay there fucker, you fucking deserve it.  
“We should go Simon.” He just nods and follows me out.

When Bunce called me, I didn’t hesitate. I just ran. Snow’s lucky that I found him at all, I was so reckless. Then I just did. I think I’ll always be able to find him; wherever and whenever we’ve run riot, we always manage to pick eachother up. I suppose that’s what I should do now. I don’t know the full story, but a bloody goblin can not have good intentions. Well, causing my boyfriend to cheat on me isn’t good but, better than proceeding to beat him to a pulp just around the corner from my aunt’s flat.

It’s a short walk, but I take his hand.

**Simon**

He takes my hand!

**Baz**

I hear him sigh beside me:  
“Listen, Baz-”  
“Don’t Simon,” I say, through gritted teeth. “Not now; I’m hungover.”

I’ll admit that I got low last night. Got drunk. I called Fiona when it got bad (a story she won’t let me live down, I’m assured). I’m pretty sure she saved me from myself last night. And then in the morning, whilst I’m nursing my self inflicted headache, I get a call from Bunce, saying that the guy from the club is a goblin, and that Simon had just got in the car with him. Why _did_ he get in the car with him? 

When we reach the flat I have to slip my hand out of Simon’s to unlock the door. Wordlessly I fetch a bowl of warm water and a cloth, along with some bandages. When I get back, Simon is sitting on the couch, hands fiddling aimlessly in his lap. He sees what I’m carrying and takes off his shirt.

Without a sound, I clean his wounds. His breath is ragged beside me. This would all be fine, this _should_ all be fine. We still need to talk, but not now. I’m savouring this moment. I nearly done bandaging him up, when Simon starts to cry. Silently, like everything else. Oh so quiet.

I pull him as close as possible, and lie back against the couch, burying my face in the crook of his neck. He clings on to me too.

And there are no kisses, no promises. Just us, in the moment, thanking Merlin that the other is here. Was there. Will be there.

Thick and thin, love. You and me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hia my loves! Sorry that chapter was so short, but I wanted to get it up ASAP and that felt like a good place to pause!
> 
> The epilogue chapter will be up soon! I just want to say thank you to all of you guys! Those who've been there since the first update, or those of you who just happened along my lil' fic and gave it a go! I love you all, your comments, kudos ad hits mean the world to me! 💕💕💕💕  
> ~Rosie x

**Author's Note:**

> Hi my loves! I hope you liked that first part! I hope you're all doing ok with social distancing, but I promise I'll have fics galore to help you get through it! Or ruin it I guess, we'll see XD


End file.
